N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.