Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Washington, DC (202)

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...

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  (202): You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell... http://tfl.nu/oe10
  Replies (8) Good night (408) Bad night (1681) Order T-Shirt
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  no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow

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  (202): no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow http://tfl.nu/mex5
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  Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.

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  (202): Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay. http://tfl.nu/iy0k
  Replies (9) Good night (347) Bad night (1618) Order T-Shirt
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  WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?

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  (202): WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT? http://tfl.nu/xll1
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  For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

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  (202): For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well. http://tfl.nu/xnfi
  Replies (46) Good night (4064) Bad night (1558) Order T-Shirt
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  it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.

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  (202): it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously. http://tfl.nu/bvn1
  Replies (7) Good night (332) Bad night (1546)
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  Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden

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  She's got a legit dose of dude going on

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  No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.

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  (240): Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden (202): She's got a legit dose of dude going on (240): No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne. http://tfl.nu/qro2
  Replies (6) Good night (619) Bad night (1535)
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  im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please

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  (202): im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please http://tfl.nu/aagw
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  You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.

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  (202): You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first. http://tfl.nu/24o7
  Replies (3) Good night (474) Bad night (1347) Order T-Shirt
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  All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"

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  (202): All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad" http://tfl.nu/wm4r
  Replies (3) Good night (437) Bad night (1345) Order T-Shirt
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  Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...

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  (202): Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395... http://tfl.nu/2tco
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  first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?

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  we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.

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  (202): first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why? (408): we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try. http://tfl.nu/v7dh
  Replies (21) Good night (372) Bad night (1297)
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  I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared

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  (202): I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared http://tfl.nu/a5x9
  Replies (28) Good night (673) Bad night (1182)
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  the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar

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  (202): the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar http://tfl.nu/f2lj
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  I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.

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  (202): I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom. http://tfl.nu/7w7n
  Replies (3) Good night (372) Bad night (1130)