and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i only shaved half my leg
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics