I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Sexist Restaurant Owner Tells Woman To ‘Keep Her Legs Open’ After Firing Her
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
19 True Stories So Scary You May Never Turn The Lights Off Again
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston