I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
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she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
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My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.