I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.