I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
zippers are such a cool invention
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.