The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
i drank out of a bidet.
where are you?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'