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Last Night in Maryland (443)

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he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off

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(443): he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off http://tfl.nu/yisu

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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...

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(443): At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead... http://tfl.nu/ukld

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and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp

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(443): and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp http://tfl.nu/f0ut

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i drank out of a bidet.

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(443): i drank out of a bidet. http://tfl.nu/arjg

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So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem

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(443): So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem http://tfl.nu/7afw

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you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it

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(443): you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it http://tfl.nu/4e12

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i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober

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(443): i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober http://tfl.nu/mim6

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I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

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How'd that go?

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Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

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(301): I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been... (443): How'd that go? (301): Hes on his way with a baseball bat... http://tfl.nu/x8jv

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He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him

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(443): He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him http://tfl.nu/8x14

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Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.

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(443): Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears. http://tfl.nu/xwms

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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it

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(443): but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it http://tfl.nu/n2yq

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So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?

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I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"

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(302): So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned? (443): I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me" http://tfl.nu/og83

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does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?

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(443): does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us? http://tfl.nu/0adv

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In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'

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(443): In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.' http://tfl.nu/dm32

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no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work

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(443): no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work http://tfl.nu/0acv

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Last Night in Maryland (443)

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