Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (443)

Last Night in Maryland (443)

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onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?

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he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?

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(516): onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please? (443): he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag? http://tfl.nu/5o6h

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(443): View more from Maryland

ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...

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(443): ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads... http://tfl.nu/avzw

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(443): View more from Maryland

So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

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(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka http://tfl.nu/4spi

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(443): View more from Maryland

He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M

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(443): He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M http://tfl.nu/4y0g

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(443): View more from Maryland

told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?

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i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.

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(443): told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why? (410): i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks. http://tfl.nu/uckj

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(443): View more from Maryland

You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding

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(443): You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding http://tfl.nu/vxqr

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The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"

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(443): The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts" http://tfl.nu/th5a

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My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.

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(443): My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve. http://tfl.nu/bc9v

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I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.

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(443): I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding. http://tfl.nu/l068

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her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"

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(443): her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does" http://tfl.nu/16y8

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(443): View more from Maryland

There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.

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(443): There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees. http://tfl.nu/9alk

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he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it

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(443): he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it http://tfl.nu/sa3y

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(443): View more from Maryland

i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?

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(443): i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed? http://tfl.nu/sqdz

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i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.

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(443): i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week. http://tfl.nu/k6qn

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do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?

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(443): do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them? http://tfl.nu/br07

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Last Night in Maryland (443)

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