the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?