He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
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i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore