Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
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Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
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I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?