Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
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she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
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If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him