His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?