Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
17 Subtle Body Language Signs That Reveal A Lot About Someone
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.