Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said