i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.