Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.