I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
I have to watch that.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.