did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit