you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.