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Last Night in Texas (214)

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I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.

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(214): I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me. http://tfl.nu/aut7

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he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???

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(214): he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me??? http://tfl.nu/mbxc

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I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process

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(214): I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process http://tfl.nu/ph4s

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did it hurt when the cum got in your eye

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not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash

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(214): did it hurt when the cum got in your eye (469): not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash http://tfl.nu/j0vs

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New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.

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(214): New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises. http://tfl.nu/b9dr

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I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts

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(214): I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts http://tfl.nu/860y

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The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.

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(214): The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson. http://tfl.nu/pxr8

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Big sunglasses are the new paper bag

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ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex

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(214): Big sunglasses are the new paper bag (817): ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex http://tfl.nu/2sef

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I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.

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(214): I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome. http://tfl.nu/zhmd

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Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life

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3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.

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(214): Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life (501): 3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/1c46

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apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......

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told ya

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(214): apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back...... (817): told ya http://tfl.nu/csea

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Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?

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(214): Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college? http://tfl.nu/yctk

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would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable

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(214): would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable http://tfl.nu/e9ba

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Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS

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Put my glitter back.

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(214): Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS (210): Put my glitter back. http://tfl.nu/4pgc

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Did yall have sex?

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Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?

(512): View more from Texas

Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen

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(512): Did yall have sex? (214): Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count? (512): Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen http://tfl.nu/ro48

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Last Night in Texas (214)

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