you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning