Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
27 People Confess The Worst Jobs They’ve Ever Had
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...