I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
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just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
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did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!