new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
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Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary