he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"