It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it