well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.