It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.