oh god was she eating orange peels again
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.