I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?