He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
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the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
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He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter