I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.