Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
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he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!