The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
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There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
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I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.