Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.