I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
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Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.