But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
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be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.