So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?