before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
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Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
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I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.