Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing