In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.