Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
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at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
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He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?