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After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
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