So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.