i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.