i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.