As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
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If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
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Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.