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As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
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