22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.