I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person