She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
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I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.