Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.