Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away