i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
You took a bar mat shot.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night