either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.