You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
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remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral