Texts From Last Night

Last Night in Maryland (410)

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  i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"

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  (410): i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??" http://tfl.nu/civz
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  He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.

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  (410): He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school. http://tfl.nu/iqns
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  After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.

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  (410): After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out. http://tfl.nu/7wcs
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  remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.

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  (410): remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that. http://tfl.nu/awcg
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  you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.

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  (410): you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now. http://tfl.nu/1nlv
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  hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock

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  (410): hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock http://tfl.nu/0euc
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  and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's

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  (410): and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's http://tfl.nu/kr0l
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  i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.

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  (410): i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in. http://tfl.nu/63c6
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  operation have a gay friend backfired

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  (410): operation have a gay friend backfired http://tfl.nu/5i5r
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  You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.

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  (410): You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad. http://tfl.nu/7eya
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  no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina

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  (410): no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina http://tfl.nu/z7tk
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  is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?

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  (410): is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend? http://tfl.nu/36no
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  I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.

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  (410): I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night. http://tfl.nu/vy3a
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  He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.

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  (410): He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college. http://tfl.nu/mdh1
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  pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...

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  (410): pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject... http://tfl.nu/bicl
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