i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...