Texts From Last Night · Last Night in (410)

Last Night in Maryland (410)

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can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd

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wasted?

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im pocohantasssss

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(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd (443): wasted? (410): im pocohantasssss http://tfl.nu/gql6

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Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!

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(410): Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA! http://tfl.nu/7pku

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so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero

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(410): so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero http://tfl.nu/4z5t

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I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?

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(410): I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever? http://tfl.nu/67g4

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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.

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I accept this challenge.

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(410): Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you. (301): I accept this challenge. http://tfl.nu/mbqm

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He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.

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True romance of the 21st century.

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(410): He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too. (1-410): True romance of the 21st century. http://tfl.nu/laza

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She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.

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(410): She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else. http://tfl.nu/yur0

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I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"

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(410): I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis" http://tfl.nu/6z4n

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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.

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(410): I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas. http://tfl.nu/b72z

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she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur

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(410): she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur http://tfl.nu/hhzt

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what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?

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(410): what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"? http://tfl.nu/vaok

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I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..

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(410): I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle.. http://tfl.nu/lwyr

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I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.

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(410): I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs. http://tfl.nu/xa92

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he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.

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engineering majors are such efficient drunks.

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(717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell. (410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks. http://tfl.nu/xm4l

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new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.

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(410): new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle. http://tfl.nu/lcrv

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Last Night in Maryland (410)

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