I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night