She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
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They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.