i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
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I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
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we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile