i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
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she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.