I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
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you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him