We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long