i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
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We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
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Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house