she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I love how my cats smell like pot.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with