I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them