You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song