apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
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I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
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yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.