he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
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she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
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guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we'll go far in life on tits alone.