All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.