Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking