We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
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its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
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Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!