its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session