We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!