She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.