I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people